WHY IT'S NOT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST
WHY IT’S NOT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST, BUT ESSENTIAL!
Depika is a close friend of mine, and has been such a beautiful and positive light in my life. I've had the pleasure of working with her for the past couple years, and now I consider her a friend. I whole heartedly believe in her philosophy, and my husband Adam and I even had her work with us on our wedding day to keep us grounded. I am so excited that she has agreed to write for you all about self-care and why it’s not selfish to put yourself first, but essential. I hope her words inspire you all like they have inspired me. XO BRITT
Hey guys - I am so honored to be asked to write for you all again by my good friend Brittany.
In this piece about self-care, I explore why many of us tend to put others before ourselves, what we gain from doing it and how we end up losing ourselves in the process. I share some tips and tools that my clients and I use to honor our needs and desires to create a healthier happier life.
Happy reading and have a wonderful day
On a plane, we all know that we must put the oxygen masks on ourselves first before helping someone else. Yet, in everyday life we have a natural tendency to put the needs and desires of others ahead of our own, viewing it as an act of kindness, love and selflessness. We forget that we also have needs and desires of our own, which are often slowly and silently silenced. This is because, the times when we do acknowledge them it’s seen by others as an act of vanity, arrogance or selfishness.
Growing up many of us witness and adopt the societal conditioning of putting the needs and desire of others before our own as it is perceived to be the
‘right thing to do’ and it makes us a ‘good person’.
This conditioning is reinforced repeatedly each time when we are acknowledged, thanked or congratulated by those around us for our act of selflessness for another, even when internally it is the last thing we want to do.
So, we learn to hush the voices of our own needs and desires to ease the suffering of our own inner conflict. This allows us to feel good about ourselves when we choose to address another’s needs and desires when they conflict with our own.
This works for a while but it’s only a temporary band aid!
Behind the scenes of this unconscious facade we slowly start to feel trapped, tired, lonely with self-loathing creeping in and resentment towards self and others quietly accumulating.
There is also a part of us that secretly expects others to take care of us and put our needs and desires before their own. However, many of us are unable to voice this expectation as it’s not something we are consciously aware of but it’s something we silently project through our vibe.
NOW THAT WE KNOW THIS – WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
Well, firstly we need to be willing to rip off the ‘temporary band aid’ which is about letting go off the conditioned need to ‘do the right thing’ because it makes us a ‘good person’
Then we must start paying more attention to our own needs and desires, creating a better dialogue with them. One of the best way to do this is to ask ourselves the following questions and document the responses:
‘What are my needs and desires?
Are they being met?
Does this feel good to me?
‘What are the things I expect to be done for me?
Does this feel good to me?
‘Who do I resent?
How do I and don’t I benefit from this resentment?
Do I want to stop feeling resentful? If Yes, what can I do differently?
Who’s needs and desires do I put ahead of my own?
Do I benefit from it?
Do I want to di it?
In practical life, there will be times when we will need to serve others before ourselves. This is perfectly ok when we consciously choose to do this and then we make sure we create time to fulfill our own needs and desires too.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE START TO PUT OURSELVES FIRST?
The inner mental conflict eases allowing us to hear and honor our own needs and desires. We are then able to voice these needs and desires to ourselves and those around us.
We will feel:
More empowered and able to make better more fulfilling decisions for ourselves
Freer, happier and more content within ourselves
We have the permission to be ourselves and that it’s ok just to be as we are
Less resentful towards ourselves and others so we emit more positive vibes
More open to receiving love and support from ourselves and others
Kinder, more caring and loving towards ourselves and others
Finally, the more we can honor our needs and desires the more others will do so too. Also, this way we can take care of others without sacrificing ourselves in the process allowing us to live healthier happier lives.
Be sure to check out our You Tube Channel The Sweet Life where we'll be sharing our
Self -Care Kit must haves.
Depika Mistry is the Founder of AnouMe; a UK base management consulting, coaching and healing business. She is a catalyst for energetic transformation guiding individuals, families & organizations worldwide in shifting their energy and aligning it with their mind, body & heart from the inside out.
Depika has over 15 years of management consulting experience delivering business, technology and regulatory transformation for corporate organizations. She is well known as an advisor to corporate execs, helping them to shape their businesses, navigate & resolve conflict/political situations, influence and align senior stakeholders, offering intuitive insights and practical solutions.
She is a qualified Reiki Master teacher & practitioner and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) master practitioner. She works with private clients, couples and children and is known for creating great energetic shifts within people, connecting them with their hidden gifts, removing blockages and transforming the way they see themselves and the world around them.
Depika is a warm fun loving intuitive being, full of insights, practical wisdom and can effortlessly dance between the logical physical world and the more mystical metaphysical world integrating them in the process.
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We hope this brightened your day!!!
The Sweet Life By Brittany + Cynthia Daniel